Brother Koh didn’t like to study when young and with a low qualification, his first job was to work as a butcher with a restaurant, killing different types of animals every day. (Photo provided by Raymond Koh)
“Getting to know Tzu Chi is the biggest turning point in my life. I want to walk the Bodhisattva Path faithfully and steadily, helping the needy with my pair of hands that used to take lives in the past!” Raymond Koh, 42, shared with hundreds of Tzu Chi volunteers at the event to commemorate the Auspicious Seventh Lunar Month on 19 August.
Gruesome killing
Sturdily built, Koh, a full blown Singaporean, looks somewhat hostile. He confessed that he never liked to study since young, and had quitted his secondary school to join the work force. Through his friend, he worked as an odd job labourer at a restaurant and his main task was to slay sea animals and poultries for the chefs to prepare dishes ordered by customers.
“The restaurant was doing very good business then and I had to kill lots of fishes, prawns and crabs. It was common to slaughter tens of fishes or even up to a hundred of them every day. I honed my slaughtering skills to perfection and I killed very fast, finished processing a live fish for cooking within a few seconds,” Koh said.
He recalled that he would hit a fish to make it faint after retrieving it from the tank. When the fish was motionless, he would use a sharp knife to pierce through the stomach of the fish. “The fish was still alive as it had merely fainted. I would then slice along its body with the knife and the fish would die slowly.”
“It is the same when it comes to killing crabs. While bursting with life, it would be laid upside down and its stomach chopped into halves, killing it instantly. I had to kill it with much skill as the customers would not be pleased if the shell cracked as a result of too much force used. I remember once when killing a crab, I was bitten by its pincer and it refused to let go of me. I was in such excruciating pain that I hurled it towards the wall and got it killed. My heart aches now when I think of that incident.”
Hot tempered and disoriented
A butcher’s job pays well, and Koh’s skills kept improving over the years. Though he had switched from company to company a few times over the past 20 years, the nature of his job did not change much. Day after day, he was facing the bloody chopping board. As it was easy to make money, he spent it at will.
Every day after work, Koh would go drinking and singing karaoke with his friends for entertainment, and he would go directly to bed when he got home. He was hot tempered and often found his mother to be too naggy. As a child, he had never been close to his mother and as he grew up, he became even more distant from her as there had been little interaction between them.
“The littlest slight from others would provoke me and make me turn hostile. Once, my superior reminded me about something a few times and I took it as he was trying to find fault with me. I threw away what I was holding in my hands and grabbed him by his collar, picking up a fight with him. So, all my friends were afraid of me.”
It was unexpected that his colleague, Yoong Fook Seong, should develop an interest in him due to his hot temper. Yoong is a Tzu Chi volunteer. One day in 2011, Yoong distributed flyers in the office to introduce Tzu Chi recycling points to his colleagues. “At that time, I introduced Tzu Chi to everyone and deliberately skipped him,” Yoong recalled with a smile.
The reverse psychology turned out to be effective. The deliberate act of Yoong aroused Koh’s curiosity and he approached Yoong to find out what Tzu Chi is about. To which Yoong replied, “Just come with me to the recycling point on Sunday and you will know.” Unexpectedly, Koh was punctual for the appointment.
Partaking in recycling work for the first time, he sorted out card boards, stepped on aluminum cans to flatten them and removed old newspapers, drenched in sweat while carrying out those activities. Much to his surprise, he discovered that many of the things thrown away could be sold for money to help the poor and thus doing recycling work is a meaningful endeavour. “For the past tens of years, I didn’t do any good deed. After participating in recycling work, I feel wonderful being able to help the needy. This is a feeling that I have never experienced before.”
Not long after, he jumped at the invitation to the recycling volunteers’ get-together organized at Tzu Chi Singapore branch in April 2011 as he wanted to understand Tzu Chi better. He was shocked by the bloody scenes of animal slaughtering in the video ‘The Cries of Lives’, and felt that his own hands were also stained with blood. “Witnessing how they struggled for their lives before being slaughtered and how much they suffered in fear and pain, I realized that I too have killed many lives with my hands. I was terrified.”
Stop the intention to kill and harm
In the ensuing days, Koh participated in even more Tzu Chi activities and was reminded frequently by the teachings and advices of Master Cheng Yen. He started to have a mental struggle with himself. “Already knowing animals do have feelings like humans, do I want to continue as a butcher? But if I quit my job, will I be able to find such a well-paid job? I couldn’t make up my mind.”
In early 2012, Koh switched to a vegetarian diet after joining the Water Repentance Text study club. He also gained a profound understanding of how dreadful the karma of killing can be. The good and evil within himself were battling then. One day in March, it suddenly dawned on him that he could not delay anymore and tendered his resignation to his boss. “Both my boss and my colleagues had a big surprise and wondered what had happened to me,” Koh laughed.
In order to make a living, Koh dared not slacken down and seriously looked for a new job. He had worked before as an odd job labourer and night shift cleaner. Not only were these jobs backbreaking, he was paid very poorly too.
It is indeed not easy to switch job when one is in his middle age. After having met with a few failures, his determination wavered and he was thinking of going back to his old profession.
“One day I saw that a company was recruiting butcher and the monthly salary was rather high, so I went for an interview. While waiting for my turn to be interviewed, I started to feel uneasy. I was asking myself if I really wanted this job. When it was my turn and before the manager opened his mouth, I took back my job application form and said to them, ‘thank you very much, but I don’t want this job anymore’, and then I turned and left, leaving the manager behind in a state of shock.” Koh laughed heartily while sharing this with us.
“Master Cheng Yen said our greatest enemies are ourselves. Whenever I feel like giving up, I will remind myself of what the Master says. Be it a cleaner or a garbage collector, it is no big deal to forgo one’s social status and in any case I don’t want to continue the killing, I hope to do more meaningful things in my remaining life,” asserted Koh.
Striving for a better self
Through the help of his friend, Koh now has a more stable job. Though it is not the ideal job for him yet, he feels that he is leading a solid and meaningful life by doing charitable work. Such sense of achievement is not what can be acquired with money, and the change in his attitude towards life has truly surprised his friends too.
“In the past he couldn’t live without meat, so when he told us he would switch to a vegetarian diet, I went, ‘how could that be possible?’ Now he has turned into a new person, I can’t even recognize him now!” A good friend of more than 10 years spoke of Koh.
Yoong Fook Seong, the one responsible for bringing Koh into Tzu Chi, disclosed that Koh was prone to uttering bad and impolite words but is now very polite and likes to crack jokes with people. “He accepts readily what other volunteers ask him to do, never accusing them of long-windedness. He’s really changed a lot.”
Koh was regretful that he did not like to stay at home and was always roaming about outside, a behaviour in his younger days that worried his parents much. He was also rude to his mother and it got worse after his father passed on. During one of the Tzu Chi home visits, he saw that despite being visibly impaired, the son of a care recipient took great pains to take care of his mother, leaving Koh feeling much remorse about his own doings in the past.
“Now I do all the housework at home and I know how to take better care of and empathize with my mother,” Koh said with much reflection.
At the Auspicious Seventh Lunar Month blessing event, Koh came forward to share his story and he made a vow to quit his bad habit of smoking. Though having only joined Tzu Chi for a short time, he has exhibited much wisdom and compassion and gained much respect from the other volunteers. He wishes all to maintain the right view and right intention, refraining from doing even the smallest evil deed and do not shun from doing even the smallest good deed.
Though an individual can only make limited contribution by himself, he can influence many to do likewise and grow the team of worldly bodhisattvas to enhance the power of kindness, so as to purify the mind of human beings and make a disaster-free world possible.
Bravo to you, Brother Koh.
Over a period of more than 10 years, Brother Koh switched from company to company, but what didn’t change is his job as a butcher. Killing on a daily basis made his already bad temper take a turn for the worse. (Photo provided by Raymond Koh)
A video screened at the recycling volunteers’ get-together held on 16 April 2011 stunned Brother Koh into some soul searching. The next day he actively participated in the training for English-speaking volunteers, reflecting upon the bad karma he had created from killing animals. (Photo by Low Hai Loon)
An enthusiast of Tzu Chi activities, Brother Koh promises he will never miss a single recycling activity as he has learnt the importance of environmental protection and the importance of turning garbage into loving kindness to help the needy. (Photo by Wong Twee Hee)
Koh has tried to take on different jobs after quitting as a butcher. It wasn’t a smooth experience to change job in middle age and he even had a confidence crisis once, but he has since insisted that he will never go back to his old profession – there will be no more killing for him. (Photo by Yong Jia Pei)
A good friend (right) of more than 10 years zealously sharing the surprise change of Brother Koh at one of the community Water Repentance Text study clubs. (Photo by Lai Tong Heng)
Brother Koh learned about the dreadful karma created from killing after joining the Water Repentance Text study club and studying the Buddhist scriptures. To repent for his past, he has switched to a vegetarian diet and also taken a vow to control his temper and form good relationships with the rest. (Photo by Tan Cheng Hwa)
At the Auspicious Seventh Lunar Month blessing event, Brother Koh took a vow in public to repent for his past and to help the needy by walking Tzu Chi’s Bodhisattva Path. (Photo by Pua Poo Toong)
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